How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
