Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
