so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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