I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
