I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
