I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
