You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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