I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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