my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
