my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
