I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
