I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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