my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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