fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
