the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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