Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
