I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
