Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
