He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
