Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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