Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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