The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
