my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
