can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
