Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Randomize
