she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
whose ass print is on the piano?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
