I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
