I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
