Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
