Are we in a gay sports bar?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
