His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
