If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we're so committed to being not committed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
