I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
