The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
