he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
50% drunk capacity currently
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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