I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
