Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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