Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
whose parrot is this?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
