why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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