I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think I am morally bankrupt
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i've created a new STD.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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