Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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