I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
