I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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