What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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