i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
