I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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