why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
