she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
