So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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