I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
