i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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